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POLL: Top Millennial Issues This Election? Speed: Video Buffering and App Store Downloads

POLL: Top Millennial Issues This Election? Speed: Video Buffering and App Store Downloads

In an effort to be more fair and balanced, FoxNews decided to conduct a poll that didn’t just include Republican Senators.  This time, to chase new viewers, they polled millennials to find out what issues are most important.

They sampled around 1,000 people: 200 men, 200 women, 200 men who identified as women, 200 women who identified as men, 100 men who were gay for women, 50 women who identified as men but use both men’s and women’s bathrooms, and 50 polysexual hermaphrodites who go to the bathroom outdoors and identified as ‘the new normal.’

Obviously, Americans displayed thirst for change and listened intently and angrily to outsiders like Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump – but what issues were most at the forefront? 

According to the study, millennials think videos still take to long to buffer on their phones and iPads.  Second most pressing was that when you download a new app or when you update it in the App Store, it takes ‘like forever for the little thing to spin and load before you can open it.’

Reminding them that just a few years ago, it could have taken hours to download anything, a few years before that would have required a CD-ROM, and a few years before that, nothing like downloads, apps or online videos ever existed, millennials stared blankly back at the pollsters.  Then, back down at their phones.

Quipped a Fox Newscaster, “I guess you feel the need; the need for speed?” – to which most just scratched their wool summer cap and replied ‘Huh?’

Bill O'Reilly Decides Against Publishing Final Book: 'Killing It with the Chicks'

Bill O'Reilly Decides Against Publishing Final Book: 'Killing It with the Chicks'

 Hillary Clearly Understimated The ‘Pussygrabber’ Vote

Hillary Clearly Understimated The ‘Pussygrabber’ Vote