National Geographic Porn Exposure Haunts Male's ‘First Time’

Today, kids grow up with infinite porn at their fingertips.  The worldwide web has changed adolescence at a breakneck speed.  I wasn’t so lucky.  In my day, even finding a Playboy magazine in between your father’s mattress was a rare occasion.  In my house, it was even worse. 

I stumbled upon a collection of National Geographic collection that seemed to occasionally reveal more than a Victoria’s Secret catalog.  Yes, some tribal women of Africa were photographed completely topless.  So depraved was I that I lusted after their sagging breasts with uncomfortably long nipples.  The younger women usually had small children feeding at the teat.  Oh, how I longed to trade places!  These women were not just exotic nudes.  They seemed to help their village by transporting water in jugs on their heads, they ritualistically pierced their ears and bodies with bamboo spears, ivory tusks, stretched their necks with golden rings…

At the age of 16, I finally had the courage to take Emily Stringer out to a movie and for a milkshake.  We found ourselves in the parking lot, kissing, and both wondering if this might be the night we’d lose our virginity.  My nerves were shattered.  I bided my time until she asked me: ‘Did you…bring a condom?’ I had, so suavely, I replied: ‘Yes. Did you bring any of your gold neck rings or a jug of water to hold on your head?’

After some tense moments lingered, Emily excused herself from my Toyota Tercel, and began walking home.  Clearly, that prude didn’t have any experience either!