Uber Driver’s Text ‘I’ve Arrived’ Strikes Me as Ironic

Uber & Lyft have revolutionized the personal transport industry as we know it.  They’ve disrupted taxi and limo business, and provided low-paying jobs to many scumbags.  When I first got comfortable using the Uber app, drivers would text me things like ‘on my way’, ‘be there in 8 minutes’ or ‘I’m at terminal B door 7a’ – naturally, I would text back things like ‘don’t text and drive’, ‘I’m reporting you’ and ‘you better have free cigarettes, charges and mints, you mutt!’

But lately, when I’ve summoned my airport transit slaves, they snake their way up to the terminal then write me the most ironic of texts: ‘I’ve arrived.’  But really -- have you?

I decided UberX was just too depressing for me, and thought I’d try UberBlack – it’ll be hard to go back, because you know what they say…